Its incredible how fast time flies. Emerson is four months old tomorrow. I can’t believe it. Next week he gets his check up, and I cannot wait to hear what the doctor has to say, hopefully all good things.
Transitioning into a mom has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. I think I am now just starting to wean out of ‘panic mode,’ and slowly move into, ‘I think I can handle this-mode.’ I don’t think I realized when I found out I was pregnant, the magnitude in which a baby completely changes your life. A baby requires 100% of your attention when they’re new. The second you try to get something done, baby is hungry or has some other need that requires your attention. The first two months of new-mom-hood, I was elated and depressed at the same time. I cannot describe the incredible amount of love that I had (and have) for my son. I didn’t know that that kind of love could exist. At the same time, realizing that my life would never be the same, mixed with inexperience, medical issues, going back to work, and minimal sleep – I got a quick trip to sad-ville. I will admit, I can blame some of my bouts of sadness on balancing hormones and sleep deprivation, however, some of my sadness was inexplicable. I was so happy, yet so upset sometimes. Most moms will say this is normal, but for someone who is generally a happy-go-lucky kind of gal, it was seriously concerning for me.
I can proudly say that I haven’t felt that way in a while. I was fortunate enough to have some amazing people in my life praying for me, praying that my sadness to leave my life. Miraculously, it did with surprising haste. I have now gone back to my normal mommy self, which is to be in utter awe of what my amazing miracle has been in my life.
Emerson has gone from a little six pound skinny baby to a fourteen pound bundle of utter sweetness. His personality is starting to shine through. Emerson is such a happy baby, and I feel so blessed. I was walking to lunch with my husband today and realized, Emerson didn’t cry ONCE yesterday. How lucky am I!? He also decided to be a doll and sleep from 930 to 7. He didn’t even wake up hungry and upset. He just opened his eyes (I just so happened to be in the room), looked at me, and started cooing that beautiful music he sings me.
Emerson is so observant of his surroundings. Gavin says he has a ‘lemur’ face, but it’s actually Emerson opening his eyes so wide, so that he can absorb all of what is going on around him. It makes me so proud that he wants to learn, and that he wants to know what is happening. Yesterday in the car ride to daycare, I kept hearing a “zip” noise in my car. After a few minutes of confusion, I finally took a glance in the backseat to see if it was something Emerson was doing. He has a little duck on his carseat that when you pull it, it vibrates back up to the top of the link, and he was pulling the duck over and over again. I know it sounds trivial, but I was probably the most proud I’d ever been in my son, other than his endurance to make it through delivery. It was the first time that Emerson took initiative to play with himself, and not be forced to by myself, his dad, grandparents, or daycare worker. He saw the toy, grasped it in a moving car, and did it all by himself. So amazing the development that that sort of coordination takes!
Emerson has also started to squeal! (<–Video link). I’m hoping that it is a precursor to laughing. I cannot wait to hear him laugh. I’m sure I’ll cry.
Well, I’ve rambled on enough for today I think. Maybe I’ll write some more tomorrow.